I don’t know who will read this or see it.  For all I know, I’m just writing this for my own mental health into the black void of the internet.

My mind has been spinning the past few days.  So much on my mind.  So many questions, not enough answers.  Mentally, I’m in the decline again which happens often.

My mental state started on the decline on Wednesday or Thursday (honestly can’t remember at this point), when my daughter and I got into a big fight. It was over current living conditions and emotions ran hot.  Rather than taking the high road and letting things calm down, I ultimately said something things that I really regret and tried taking back but my free spirited, pistol of a daughter wanted nothing of it.

4 days later, my daughter barely says anything to me.  She doesn’t even communicate with me through text.  I feel like I should try to apologize again but I don’t.  When I tried apologizing, she didn’t accept it and basically told me to go away.  Maybe things would be better if I wasn’t around.  Sorry for typing that but that’s kind of how I’m feeling.

To add onto my mental state, is the ongoing shit show with the orange idiot and his administration.  I probably should stop saying that as a employee of the government but that’s honestly how I’m feeling right now.  Everyday there is something new and it’s becoming to much.  I should disconnect and not read the news but then I wouldn’t know what’s going on.

As if that isn’t enough, I’m trying to work on getting my fence replaced in my backyard.  God, I hate owning a home sometimes.  So much to do to keep in great shape.  Little by little things are falling apart.

Thankfully, we have money to pay for it but I wish I didn’t have to spend it on a fence.  I wish I was in a bigger house.  I wish I could snap my fingers and have a clean house.  I wish, I wish, I wish….
Ahh…maybe I need to up the dosage on my Lexapro.  Maybe that 10mg isn’t enough and I need a higher dosage.  Maybe I just need that kick in the ass to motivate me to be a better person overall.
Maybe I’m just feeling this way because of what I said to my daughter and I need to find a way to rectify that first.  I just really don’t want to hear her say “fuck you” again or “you’re piece of shit” which got me pissed off in the first place.

Here’s to happier days.  To whoever in the Internet void reads this, thanks for reading.